Here I sit in the stable vent unit at work. It is almost 3AM and I am SO tired I can barely stand it. But, I am getting holiday pay. So I will deal with it. I can do anything for 5 more hours, right??
It is funny, I thought I was paranoid about being pregnant BEFORE I started trying. Even worse now. I have pretty horrific PMS. Well actually, PMDD. Every month I get EVIL (unless I am on my meds, which are designed to help with the PMDD, which I kinda forgot to keep taking and now the half life of the med is gone so this month I am screwed), sore, hard, swollen boobs, bloating and nauseated. Well, pretty much all of those can be symptoms of pregnancy. Now that I actually WANT to get pregnant even though physically and mentally I am miserable there is a small part of me that is excited. I have taken 2 tests, both of which have been negative, but I don't think I am even due to start my period yet, so those aren't yet necessarily definitive. If I do this to myself every month this is going to be a very emotional rollercoaster type of thing for me. But how can a woman trying to conceive not feel like that? Ugh.
A friend of mine recently told me that a woman really isn't a woman until she has had a child. I SO do not agree with that. I almost felt it was a small dig in a weird way. She is not at all the type to be like that, but she has a kid, and I don't. What would you think? I think I am a real woman regardless if I use my uterus for it's intended purpose. So I might not have a kid (yet) but I do have a career, husband, loving family and friends, 2 fabulous dogs and a house. So bam. Don't know what made me think about that enough to write about it, but there ya go.
My poor step sister Sarah and her boyfriend's apartment got broken into in Alma, MI a couple days ago. They were both home, IN BED. Thank GOD the people weren't the killing type. Just the stealing all your shit type. I hope they get caught.
And my last random thought of the day. I am a lazy bastard. I can't seem to get myself off my couch on my days off and be productive. I would rather lay around then clean my house. I mean, I still do, but I have to battle myself to do it. Why? I so want to keep my house and car nice, but the effort I must put forth to do it seems soooo taxing. Is everyone else like this or am I as lazy as I thought?
OK, if I don't stop myself I am just going to babble on here all night for something to do. Hope everyone has a better Labor Day then I am having!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
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7 comments:
o.k. little girl, call me today. I have some thoughts on why you're so tired. I'm really bummed I won't see you today. But you are working for the cause--$. I will send home some food, providing it's edible.
Well... I would suggest that you keep track of all the goings on between you and your man and especially your body so that if it comes to the "I could be pregnant" stage each month, you'll have a better idea. Really, if you have a high temperature for 18 straight days... you're most-likely pregnant. I've been through the "I could be" phase and it's more pain than I can write (when you're actually not pregnant).
As for the not being a woman until you're a mother... that's total BS and rather insensitive for that person to say to you.
Anyway-- hope you were able to have a good evening. I find your ramblings to be entertaining. :)
Chris- the food was great! Thank You! That's one good thing about being a nurse, you can get called off. :)
Cathy- I thought it was insensitive too! And thanks. I haven't tried taking my daily temps yet, but maybe I should? I am sure it is painful. I hope that it happens for you and Steve soon!!
A baby couldn't ask for better parents!
I wasn't a woman until I was 35? Some people are Fing morons and shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, like your friend there. It changes you, that's true. I have different priorities and responsibilities and a different kind of love, but people can have the same thing with adoption. The only thing that they would miss was pregnancy, and while I loved it some people HATE it, so there you go. As I said earlier, maybe you're supposed to wait a little while longer for a good reason.
Oh and the laziness thing... the more unhealthy you get - the more unhealthy you feel. I am tired ALL THE TIME and promise myself ALL THE TIME that tomorrow I will start respecting my body and helping myself feel better, but then the couch is the only place I want to be at the end of the day. I really think I need to do something nuts at work so they'll fire me. Then I can live off the guberment and won't feel so drained all of the time. Damned work ethic, bah!
not that i have mastered this but . . . try to approach it more as you owe it to yourself to do those things because they will ultimately make you happy and you are worth it instead of you have to do them to be worthy.
as for the being a woman thing . . BAH!! such crap. it's not insensitive - insensitive suggests that it's true but someone needs to find a nice way to say it. i feel badly for that woman and her children. if your children define you than you are doing yourself and them a disservice. yes, one of the most important things that i am is a mother but imagine the pressure on kai if i used him to define myself?? you are already a woman and a good woman at that - self aware; responsible; hardworking. for that matter, imho, taking care of other people's children with love and compassion is far more impressive than loving your own.
i had someone tell me i would never be truly happy because i am an only child so there you go . . . forget breeding - some people shouldn't be allowed to speak.
did i ever send you a list of herbs that help and the ones to avoid in an effort to get pregnant or did i just think about that? oh, i just looked and i never sent you the link.
http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/pregnancy/herbs.htm
Thanks Cassie!
I think if that friend of mine (who I really do love dearly) realized what she was saying, and to whom she was saying it (a childless woman) she would have thought better of it!
But you guys are all such good and supportive blog friends.
:)
<3
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