Isabella Maria

Isabella Maria
Her 3 week pictures... such an angel!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What's been going on

These last couple weeks have been very busy. The days were filled with preparation of going to Michigan for our first visit home since we moved, as well as doctor's appointments, Aaron's car breaking down and trying to find someone in Uvalde who knows what to do with a Mazda, so on and so forth. It was busy, fun, and now wholly depressing since we are back home now and back to the regular grind. I am SO SICK of being ALONE. I miss my husband and our friends and family! Being in a house by myself is NOT how I like to spend my time. I am too social for this life I have now! People tell expectant couples to "live it up" before the baby gets here... but I would like to know how the hell I am supposed to do that when I am in a little town where I only know my co-workers, and they have full lives without extra time to entertain my sorry ass? In addition to this, Aaron and I rarely get to see each other. I cried more about that on our way back to Texas than I did about leaving everybody. The thought of coming back to this empty house while Aaron works just broke my heart. People might think "Oh well go out and make some friends!" Well that would be easier if there was somewhere to go to do that, or if the people in my town and I could both be fluent in the same language. It's not always the case. (Granted yes most young people to my knowledge are bilingual or just speak English...) I want our friends. Our families. I don't want to substitute for other peoples' friends and families. Granted the few friends we have here are great, I am not referring to them. Anyway... I could go on bitching about this for hours. I refuse to call Texas "home" because there is no way that home should be this unhappy. If I talk about home, you can assume I am talking about Michigan. If I talk about where I am now, or where I currently work, sleep, etc., that is Texas. I have tried to be positive, no I am not talking myself out of being comfortable here, no it's not a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you think that it's just because you haven't been here yet! I wanna go HOME. Yes my job and house here are OK... but it's not home. I could have a mansion here and feel just as bad because there is no one to share it with. :(
Anyway... so more fun stuff, on April 20th I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Yay! A day before I start my vacation I learn I get to poke myself with a needle 4+ times a day AND will likely be on insulin! Waa-Hoo! Throw in only having one car, sitting outside waiting for my husband who got stuck in traffic on his way home from work to pick me and and me ultimately calling a co-worker to pick me up while weeping like a crazy woman, it was a great day. Fabulous. But on the bright side, getting my equipment was pretty easy, 100% free thanks to my insurance, and it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. I made Aaron poke my finger for the first time, but after that I do it and its fine. I mean, I don't like it, but I will live. My numbers are high... fasting blood sugar should be less than 110 and this morning it was 133... even after a diabetic diet dinner (shit) but at least I am aware of it and am trying very hard (most of the time) to make the right decisions. It's not easy. I bought all this healthy crap yesterday after seeing the dietician. Basically the more fiber I have in my diet the more even my glucose will be. So I bought hippie wheat bread that has 5 grams of fiber per slice in it. It smells like wood, no joke. Opening the bag in the morning to make toast reminds me of being in shop class. But, no splinters yet so I will continue to eat it. She wants me to drink 24 ounces of milk a day which sounds LOVELY... I will happily oblige. Anything that is not water makes me happy!
Well I will blog more later, I have to get in the shower and get ready for my 11:20 OB appt. I have to shave and stuff. Since I am officially in my 3rd trimester I don't know what to expect. But I should at least be prepared in case he has to check my cervix. Ugh I hope not as he is a co-worker... LOL I don't know why I am worried about him checking my cervix when 1. he has already given me a pelvic exam and 2. he will be delivering my child and I will likely shit on his shoes. Ah well. The less amount of times he has to look at my genitals the happier I am.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Just some random thoughts.

I was listening to my ipod a few days ago and a Marilyn Manson (love!!!) song came on, so I blasted it as loud as my ears could handle. It reminded me of driving to one of my high risk appointments in San Antonio. I found a radio station there that literally played one ass-kicking song after another, and I was BLARING it with the windows down. For a few minutes I didn't think about home, or being sad, or anything negative. I was just loving it! But I kinda giggled to myself when I got out of the car in case anyone happened to be watching. Out of the car with the blaring heavy metal comes an obviously pregnant woman waddling to her doctors appointment. hahaha. I bet it looked amusing.
Then I thought about it. When I have the baby, I won't be able to blare the music when we are driving together, it'll frighten her. Then for a brief moment I *slightly* mourned the loss of that part of my life. I know I will get it back again one day. I know it sounds and is trivial, but lately my jollies are few and far between. In Uvalde we really don't get a radio station that isn't Tejano or static 50% of the time. So when I actually get a radio station that doesn't play crap AND that plays songs I like, I like to play it loud. :) Obviously having my baby and not scarring her for life is worth not playing the radio loud (I am not 15 anymore, lol) but it did make me realize (again) that I will have to lose/neglect certain parts of my personality in order to cultivate another. But I already know that it will be well worth it. Even admitting this makes me feel selfish and horrible. But I guess it's better to realize the limitations of the life I am about to embark on now than to learn because I did something bad, right?
And I am sure that the Wiggles will be JUST as gratifying as the Lest We Forget CD. :)
On a completely different note... I went to Church today for the first time in well over a year. (Bad me.) But hey I went and I enjoyed it. It's an Episcopalian Church that is less than a mile from my house. It was so similar to the Church we were married in back home that it almost made me teary eyed! But I had a good time. Aaron is not a churh-goer, so I did go by myself, but I met my co-worker Shanna and her family there. They were all very nice. It was a good experience and I hope to go back again soon and try to go regularly.
After Eucharist we sat down while the rest of the people went up and we sat in the pews and had some quiet/prayer time. They started playing a song and the first few motes of it sounded like "What if God was one of us?" by Joan Osborne and I almost lost it! It took almost everything in me not to LMAO!!! :)
OK well I am going to attempt to do house work, but more than likely will end up watching TV. Hope you all have a great Easter!