Isabella Maria

Isabella Maria
Her 3 week pictures... such an angel!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The movies I have seen today.

Aaron and I got Netflix this week. It is awesome. For $11 a month we can rent one DVD at a time to be delivered to our house and we can watch as many movies as we want on our PS3. This includes Blue Ray movies. Great deal, right? I recommend everyone gets it. It's way cheaper than going to Blockbuster, or even the RedBox if you're forgetful like me. Also, the selection on Netflix is like nothing you've seen before. Blockbuster and Redbox have next to nothing compared to Netflix.
Today I watched a couple of the movies that I know Aaron is not interested in, because he was at work all day. So first I watched The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. That was gut wrenching. Poor little boys. Hell, poor every single person in that camp. I know this movie was fictional, but I am sure parts of it were accurate, like the way the nazis treat the Jews. Horrible. I can't understand how one man can turn a whole country into hating machines.... Wow. It is sickening. After I watched the movie I did a little research online and one person wrote that it wasn't as shocking to see the humans' ability to hate as much as the humans' ability to be indifferent. How true! You could smell the burning of the dead's bodies for miles, people were ran out of their houses, beaten, starved, shot for no reason, and people were capable of pretending they didn't see that?! I understand that any resistance to the "final solution" or lack of loyalty to the government could earn you a spot in a concentration camp too, but damn. I think I would just leave the damn country and never go back. When I think of stuff like that kind of cruelty, it seems like it should have taken place hundreds of years ago. But no, that happened in the 30's and 40's. My grandparents were alive when that happened. They probably heard about it on the radio. Especially my grandparents in England, since they were so much closer than the American grandparents. That's an assumption, I could be wrong. But going on how little the American media talks about what's going on in the Sudan today, I would assume the American media has always had a tendency to focus on American based issues more than global issues. If I want world news, I watch the BBC. Sad, huh? I am not a huge news buff by any means, but in the morning when I am getting ready for work on Channel 12 in San Antonio they don't seem to talk about anything outside of Bexar County. But if I watch BBC, I hear about global issues. Like I said, no expert over here but that's my experience.
The other movie I watched today was the Stoning of Soraya M. Wow, talk about assuming that kind of stuff happened hundreds of years ago. My Lord. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am to be an American woman. If I lived in Iran or another country like that (that practices stoning) I probably would have been dead long ago. I can't wrap my head around the fact that women are really, seriously seen as inferior in other places of the world. I guess that just shows how naive I truly am. I probably have no friggin clue what its like to actually suffer. Well thank God for that.
I wanted to put something on here that I got from The Global Campaign to Stop Killing and Stoning Women.
"In the Iranian Penal Code, a married woman has no right to divorce, a privilege which is reserved for the husband. Women have no custody rights of their children after age seven; as a result, women who can obtain a divorce by proving their husbands are either abusive or an addict, choose not to do so fearing the loss of their children. A man can marry up to four wives simultaneously, and may establish a sexual relationship with any other single woman through a temporary marriage without the requirements of marriage registration, ceremony, or obligation to any possible child that may result. In addition, a woman is legally obliged to submit to her husband’s sexual demands and do her best to satisfy him sexually. Hence if a man is sexually unsatisfied or in an unhappy relationship, he has many avenues open to him to dissolve the marriage and/or satisfy his sexual needs in a temporary “marriage”. However, these legal options are denied to Iranian women, and a woman seeking alternative intimate relationships is, in the eyes of the law, “committing adultery”. "
I have three words to say about this: Oh. Hell. No.

All I know is I am SO thankful to be who and where I am today. Compared to those movies I saw today it could be SO much worse than I could ever ever ever imagine. I need to quit my bitching and be a little more appreciative.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The things people say...

Today I was at work taking a well needed rest because I had been on my feet since I got there at 6:45, and it was about 10:45AM. Usually we are slow but I had a patient getting a blood transfusion and I am super cautious when I give blood, so it took a lot of my time.
I was saying how yesterday I worked all day, came home and fed the dogs, went to the post office, spent an hour at Wal-Mart, came home, put the groceries away, cooked dinner and did dishes. I was going from about 6:30AM-6:30PM. In addition to having had a busy day, I am 22 weeks pregnant. I was tired!
I was saying this in our work area where several co-workers were, and one my co-workers informed me that "If you did what I do, you wouldn't be able to handle it." This is the same one who kept informing me in the beginning of my pregnancy that "it was going to be a long pregnancy" and rolling her eyes in disgust at me because I was tired. I have held my tongue for long enough. I am getting pissed now. So I told her that "Well, I guess it's just because I am not as cool as you." A nursing student laughed, and she said "Well, it's not that...I just live in the country, and blah blah blah" and I said "Yeah well that's why I don't live in the country. I don't DO outside." She is usually a nice lady but has no problem saying whats on her mind, and sometimes I think she says it before her mind has a chance to censor it. I think she could tell that she pissed me off, because the rest of the day she was ridiculously nice to me. Well I'm not trying to be a bitch, but you kinda put me in this position in the first place. If I am made to feel the need to defend myself, damnit I am going to! So I did!
Not even a half hour later, I was trying to squeeze my pregnant (and fat) ass in between a woman's (who I really do like) chair and a counter so I can get to the fridge and get another patient of mine some crackers. I said "Oh wow, this belly is taking up a lot of room." She found it necessary to tell me that "Well, you took up a lot of room before..." Really. You said that, huh. OK. Let it be known I NEVER EVER EVER make sure to tell people I know (or don't for that matter) that they are fat. Because I am no longer 6 years old, and that part of my brain that recognizes "rude things to say" and "polite things to say" developed. (Saying this reminds me of the time my Mom and Dad took my brother and me to Old Country Buffet and Brent said, pointing "Hey look at that BIG FAT GUY!!!" Yeah, I don't do that. But I digress...)
Later, when I was in the staff lounge at about 1:00PM eating lunch, our housekeeper and I were talking and she was giving me her point of view on how some people treat her as if she is inferior because she is a housekeeper, and that this is one of the reasons why she is going to school... so she doesn't have to clean up after people like that anymore. I have never treat her like that, we get along well, and I don't understand why someone would be like that. But anyhow... toward the end of the conversation she said to me "Well you and I are the two most imperfect people here, so you understand what I mean..." or something to that effect. I smile and say some socially acceptable response like "Uh-huh" or something like that... but on the inside I am thinking WTF do you people think I AM??!?!?!!! I never realized people had such shitty opinions about me! Before today I didn't realize I am seen as a lazy, fat leper! How funny, I had no idea. All this time I thought I was fucking fabulous... only to find out that indeed I am seen as the opposite of this. OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Oh, AND in the 5 months and 11 days I have lived here I have now been pulled over twice and got a parking ticket for blocking the sidewalk in the front of my house, which was written at 1:45 IN THE MORNING. I need to get back to Detroit, where there is real shit going on and no one cares if I am going 38 in a 30, even though I am approximately 500 feet ahead of the sign that says SPEED LIMIT 35 MPH. By the way, the cop that pulled me over pulled a U turn on the street, he was previously going about 35 mph himself, all just to give me a written warning and inform me of where EXACTLY the speed limit turns from 30 to 35. Seriously? Really? We live in a town where there are DEFINITELY illegal aliens, drug dealers (being so close to the border, of course it's ALL OVER) and KNOWN murderers (from what I am told) and you want to pull over a pregnant nurse on her way to work at 6:45 in the morning TWICE within about 3 months AND ticket me. OK, it all makes sense now. I am a threat to society. With my border patrol husband, my frightening self, and our paid on time bills, I am dangerous. Well, I MUST be since they are so concerned with me and not with the other criminals in town. Hey at least I know. :/
Well, having said that I am going to get ready for bed. I have a busy day of threatening the well-being of all in my town while I drive to work tomorrow and tormenting my co-workers with my lazy, fat hideous self. I need to get out of here.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Name Game.

I have been thinking about middle names for the baby. With a long first name like Isabella and a three syllable last name, I think the middle name should be a one syllable name so its not overkill. Maybe a two syllable name if its a short name, like for example Renee.
So I would like some suggestions on middle names. Here are the ones I think sound good with Isabella.

-Jean (my American grandma's middle name) (Oh and PS my English Grandma's name is Mary Isabel so Isabella is practically a tribute! And that's awesome because she is the sweetest little soul to ever live.) I like this one but it is not my favorite and I think Aaron said no... but whateva.
-Grace (I love this one but it's our niece's middle name. We should't name thieve like that.)
-Taylor (My Mom's maiden name.)
-Renee (this is one of my oldest and best friend's daughter's middle name and she is a wonderful kid. So that would be cool too. :) )

People like to suggest things like Marie, Maria, Ann, etc. and those are so not me! There's nothing wrong with them, I just don't want to use them.
I was thinking it would be cool to give the baby's middle name a Texas influence... so I looked up the names of wild flowers that are indigenous to Texas. They were either long names or things that sounded ugly like Spiderwort or Rosinweed. OK, I kinda liked Primrose a little bit.... but it's weird and too long. Then I thought of Star, since this is the Lone Star State. But is that too hippy? Or does it sound like a hooker/stripper name? That is SOOO not the kind of name I am going for. I'm trying to think of a baby name, not a stage name!

This child sure does love my cervix. Feels like she is trying to kick or dig her way out. Sometimes it's a cute little reminder of her existence, and sometimes I feel like she is mad at me. Seriously child, why are you doing this to me? That is a sensitive place to be harshly prodded, from either direction. lol. It made me laugh today because it was like she was working out, about 12-15 kicks within a minute or two, then nothing. Nothing from her for an hour or two. Then she'll give the occasional nudge. Is that how all fetuses are? Or is mine a weirdo? Usually once a day I have a few minutes of hyper child, and then the rest of the day is occasional nudges, bumps etc. Either way, even if it hurts, I love it!
OK I feel like poo so I am going to lie down. Having stomach cramps like my body is trying to work on a barf. NOT cool. Now I feel a little hot and sweaty and have done absolutely nothing to feel this way. Great. Here's hoping its just from my guts being rearranged by the uterus and nothing more sinister. I don't have the PTO for sinister viruses.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Newest thoughts...

My latest facebook update was "Only 1 year, 2 months and 6 days till we can request a transfer back home. :) Is it bad that I am starting the countdown now?" I put this up here because I just went on looking for rental homes in Belleville and Livonia. It scared me that the house I liked the most in Livonia in our price range wants a credit score/before they will consider you for the house. Don't these people get that the reason a lot of us are renting is because we had to lose our first house? Ugh. I have a feeling this is going to haunt me for a long time.
Aaron told me this weekend that his 2 years of service he has to put in before he can request a transfer started May 23, 2009 (when he started training) and NOT October 19, which was his first day on the job in Carizzo Springs. I was ELATED!! That (hopefully!) cuts 5 months off this sentence we have here! He could not have told me this news at a better time. It was a Sunday and we decided to go out to lunch, and I barely even wanted to go. The sadness of being here was getting to me. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and just stare at the wall. So instead of having 19 months now there are only 14. It's still a long time but it was a relief when I really needed it. It makes it seem easier to be here. :) But this is no guarantee... it only means he can request a transfer, it doesn't mean he'll get it. But there's hope. Turns out there are 4 places in Michigan in which he could potentially get transferred. Listed in order of my preference they are:
1. Detroit.
2. Port Huron.
3. Gibraltar.
4. Sault St. Marie. (I hope I spelled this right!)
Random thought here... I renewed my nursing license for the state of Michigan today. It lasts 2 years only, but I hope to be back in Michigan by then.
I want sooooo much to be able to go home. I know these blogs must seem like a broken record. But seriously if it doesn't have to do with going home back to my friends and family or Izzie, I am probably not thinking about it.
Rather than continue to battle with my wonderful yet not very um... house work friendly husband, I put an ad on today looking for help with yard work and a housekeeper. I am offering $10/hr for the housekeeper and $15-20 per visit for the yard work. Does that seem fair?
OK even though I am not tired I need to do the dishes and get ready for bed.
Shit. Forgot to cook Aaron's dinner. Must go. :)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Evil woman.

I think they wrote this about me.
What I wouldn't give right now for a large glass of red wine, a cigarette and maybe an Ativan. I feel like I am going crazy! I am not even going to get into what pissed me off so bad because 1. I am so sick of dwelling on it, but I have no life so I have TONS of time to think about it. and 2. it would just be rude to the party involved because I am having a hard time censoring myself.
All I know is pregnancy makes me a bitch. I think I might start wearing a shirt to warn all who come near. And maybe instead of getting a sign on my fence that says "Screw the dogs, beware of the crazy bitch in the house!" I could literally, very literally, beat the shit out of someone with a shovel right now. I am sure this is not healthy, and most definitely not Christian of me. But Good God. To those of you who have been pregnant, you probably understand. To those of you who will be pregnant, beware. To those of you who have impregnated someone, may God be with you. If your woman is anything like me, just 1. do as you're f*cking told, 2. invest in a good helmet and 3. do as you are damn well told, just in case you missed it the first time.
This might seriously be an only child here in my womb. I hope I forget all about this craziness and convince myself to do it one more time.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Little Mommy... the old version and my version

Yesterday I was at our local grocery store getting some stuff and I (of course) went through their limited baby stuff. I have decided that with every paycheck I am going to pick up the baby a little something so when she is here there will be (hopefully...) less stuff to stress about financially. At least for a few minutes. So far I have just gotten some body wash, a pack of diapers and a nose aspirator... but hey it's a start! I still have 20 more weeks to get stuff! But so far besides that, a few books, a couple toys and a laundry basket the poor child has nothing. The room still has boxes in it. We need to get a move on!
Anyhow, so I see the childrens' books and stop. The first one I see is a cute little Golden Book called Little Mommy. It starts off cute as a button. "This is my house and I am the mommy. My children are Annabelle, Betsy and Bonny. They are good little children and do just as I say. I put on their coats and they go out to play. (This is the bullshit part here...) Billy is daddy; he works in the city. He has a new car, isn't is pretty?" Those are the first few pages. It goes on and on about how this Little Mommy cooks and cleans all day. "I do the dishes and sweep the floor and wipe fingerprints off the door." It basically teaches female children that girls cook and clean and take care of children while the man works. Oh. Hell. No. Decades of women have not fought for equal rights for me to buy this shit book in 2010! I would like to rewrite the book. Ahem..
My name is Mary, and this is my condo. In the garage you can see my new Honda (close enough shut up this is impromptu!)
I am not married, I do not need a man, but if I change my mind I know I can.
This is my 10th floor corner office for all to see, and above my desk is my college degree.
After work sometimes I go to the martini bar but if I decide I don't want to the gym is not far.
I love my condo with a view of the city. This is my pool boy, isn't he pretty?
Lovely to look at, not much to say. I sip my mimosa while he works away...
I didn't settle, and I answer to no man. Instead of my dishes, I work on my tan.
Loving my life, I might marry one day. Until the right one comes along I'll continue to play.
If the day comes when I will be wed, I will have some things to be said.
I will not pick your dirty socks off the floor. I work too, do your own chores.
My job is JUST as important as yours. And don't let me catch you flirting with whores.
You have no idea how lucky you are, to have a woman with a career, job, brain AND a car.
And if perhaps you forget, on your ass you must go. When it comes to that shit, the only answer is NO.

I swear to GOD if I receive that book as a gift for my daughter she will never so much as see it. I will print off what I just wrote and read it to her first. If she wants to be a stay at home Mom, that's great and honorable. Stay at home Moms work their asses off, non-stop, for no pay and it is hard, and probably very rewarding all at the same time. Hell, I wouldn't mind doing it now. However, I don't want my child to read this patriarchal bullshit thinking she needs to find a Prince Charming, or that she has no other options other than to be a mother and wife. I was told often as a child that I could grow up to be anything I wanted to be and that being a girl had nothing to do with what I could and could not achieve. My mother also taught me very young to never be in a situation where I had to depend on someone else. She would say to me, "Andrea, never depend on..." and I would say "a man". She learned the hard way, and Thank God we both refused to let that happen to me.
Well I am surprised to see that this blog went from a baby shopping experience to a bra burning feminist pow-wow! LOL. I never considered myself a feminist... maybe I just learned something about myself?
Anywho, I am coming down with a cold and need to go to bed. Hope you enjoyed my first Golden Book that I wrote. Maybe I should look into writing empowering childrens' books for the children of feminists? LMAO!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Lonely Friday Night...

Came home from work today after a busy week at work... with nothing to do. Nothing to do to unwind. No social outlets. Aaron is at work and won't be home until 9PM at the earliest. I watched all the good shows on the DVR already. I should be cleaning the house or something but I want to relax because I have been tired all day and my ankles are a little swollen. My options are looking a little crappy.
If I were in Michigan I would be talking to one of my friends on the phone, likely making plans to go to someone's house, or have someone over for a little while. Not much, but its something. And its a hell of a lot more than I am doing here. I feel so lonely here. Apart from Shanna at work I have no real friends here. :( While Shanna is very nice and we get along great, we both have husbands, she has a 4 year old son and one on the way. She's busy. And I know I will be soon enough too. I just hate feeling like there is no real support for us out here. Aaron has no friends to speak of here either. We miss our friends. I would KILL to go over to a friend's house and sit in their smokey basement, play poker and listen to the radio. All that time I took it for granted assuming I would always have that. Sigh.
I am SO happy that my little one will be here in just a few months, and I am very happily married to a wonderful man. I know I am lucky. But can it seriously be too much to ask for to take my baby, husband and dogs and go back home WITH our nice jobs? Must I really live 1600 miles away in order to make it? We're financially making it now, and thank God for that. But in other ways like socially, and to an extent emotionally we're drowning out here. My child is going to grow up not understanding what friends are because she's never going to see us with any. :(
I used to think that I could never miss any place like I miss England. I love shopping in the streets of Durham, and I love looking at the sheep on the green hills in Esh Winning. It's beautiful there. I love the food, and the TV shows, even silly things like candy bars and drinks that you can't get in the States make me miss it. Sometimes when I think of it I get a passing heart flutter and then it sinks just a little, because I want to be there so bad and I know I can't. I think of my family there and miss them all so much. I often wonder if I will see my Grandma again before she passes away (she is 94 after all...). But then I think of home and it blows it out of the water. Yep. The stupid ass commute to the the University of Michigan, and the horrible parking situation there, the assholes on the roads that can't drive, the rude people and their 37 children at Wal-Mart (they are here too, I am just thinking of the Wal-Mart by my old house.), Vernors, Olga's Kitchen, Mini Eggs, 95.5 (the radio stations here are SHIT), restaurants other than fucking MEXICAN, cold weather (no I still don't miss snow but I am willing to live in a fucking Igloo if that means I can come home...), bonfires and a Labatt Blue with good friends... I can go on and on and on... This is more than a little heart flutter and sink. This is a heart ache and crash. I hope it gets better when I am back to my normal amount of hormones. And if you notice that a lot of this has to do with food just keep in mind this is a blubbering pregnant woman here and really I would do without the food for some HUMAN INTERACTION.
I just want to go home. I miss my family and friends. So much more than any of you realize. This fucking sucks all day long and I want to go back!