Isabella Maria

Isabella Maria
Her 3 week pictures... such an angel!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Lonely Friday Night...

Came home from work today after a busy week at work... with nothing to do. Nothing to do to unwind. No social outlets. Aaron is at work and won't be home until 9PM at the earliest. I watched all the good shows on the DVR already. I should be cleaning the house or something but I want to relax because I have been tired all day and my ankles are a little swollen. My options are looking a little crappy.
If I were in Michigan I would be talking to one of my friends on the phone, likely making plans to go to someone's house, or have someone over for a little while. Not much, but its something. And its a hell of a lot more than I am doing here. I feel so lonely here. Apart from Shanna at work I have no real friends here. :( While Shanna is very nice and we get along great, we both have husbands, she has a 4 year old son and one on the way. She's busy. And I know I will be soon enough too. I just hate feeling like there is no real support for us out here. Aaron has no friends to speak of here either. We miss our friends. I would KILL to go over to a friend's house and sit in their smokey basement, play poker and listen to the radio. All that time I took it for granted assuming I would always have that. Sigh.
I am SO happy that my little one will be here in just a few months, and I am very happily married to a wonderful man. I know I am lucky. But can it seriously be too much to ask for to take my baby, husband and dogs and go back home WITH our nice jobs? Must I really live 1600 miles away in order to make it? We're financially making it now, and thank God for that. But in other ways like socially, and to an extent emotionally we're drowning out here. My child is going to grow up not understanding what friends are because she's never going to see us with any. :(
I used to think that I could never miss any place like I miss England. I love shopping in the streets of Durham, and I love looking at the sheep on the green hills in Esh Winning. It's beautiful there. I love the food, and the TV shows, even silly things like candy bars and drinks that you can't get in the States make me miss it. Sometimes when I think of it I get a passing heart flutter and then it sinks just a little, because I want to be there so bad and I know I can't. I think of my family there and miss them all so much. I often wonder if I will see my Grandma again before she passes away (she is 94 after all...). But then I think of home and it blows it out of the water. Yep. The stupid ass commute to the the University of Michigan, and the horrible parking situation there, the assholes on the roads that can't drive, the rude people and their 37 children at Wal-Mart (they are here too, I am just thinking of the Wal-Mart by my old house.), Vernors, Olga's Kitchen, Mini Eggs, 95.5 (the radio stations here are SHIT), restaurants other than fucking MEXICAN, cold weather (no I still don't miss snow but I am willing to live in a fucking Igloo if that means I can come home...), bonfires and a Labatt Blue with good friends... I can go on and on and on... This is more than a little heart flutter and sink. This is a heart ache and crash. I hope it gets better when I am back to my normal amount of hormones. And if you notice that a lot of this has to do with food just keep in mind this is a blubbering pregnant woman here and really I would do without the food for some HUMAN INTERACTION.
I just want to go home. I miss my family and friends. So much more than any of you realize. This fucking sucks all day long and I want to go back!

4 comments:

Sonya said...

I know this is hard, but until you get involved in your community, it'll never feel like home. Find other people who share your interests and start to make friends. It's kind of like dating, but with no sex involved. Take some courses, or join a club, or start to hang with people from work - you might not meet your friends right away, but eventually you'll 'click' with other people. Find things to love where you are, and you won't have as much time to miss the things where you aren't. Ya know?

Andrea said...

Thanks Sonya! Yeah I am trying to do that a little. I went out with a bunch of girls from work yesterday and it was nice. I try to hang out with another girl from work. We're both pregnant so it's fun to do that shopping together. :) And I keep thinking about going to church and I want to go, but I HATE touching strangers and don't want to shake hands so it puts me off. That makes me a little weird huh? Ah well.
But thanks and I promise I am trying to do that stuff... harder to do when I am tired and fat from pregnancy! :)

Sonya said...

Hey, making new friends is HARD and takes effort. Being pregnant so far away from home would be a bummer... but just realize that you are where you are and make the most of it. Yay for having other preggo friends!

kimberkara said...

We miss you too! I am dropping a box off for you tomorrow, so keep an eye out!