On July 12th I will be getting induced, providing Isabella does not make her appearance on her own before that. That is only 36 short days away! Holy crap! Don't get me wrong I can't wait to meet her, and I can't wait to not be in pain anymore, but seriously... this shit is REAL! LOL. In reality I know it has been all along, but now its coming down to the crunch time. It's really going to happen... and its going to be sooner rather than later. I am going to be in some serious pain very soon. Whether it be ripping vaginal pain or lower abdominal incisional pain... there is no way around it. She's coming out, and it is not going to tickle. But even though I haven't actually even met her yet, I already love her and know that is is worth it any pain that's coming my way. I compare this in a way to when you're getting something waxed and the beautician sticks that warm stuff on your skin and attaches the paper to it. Well, you can't walk around with that thing on for the rest of your life. You have officially hit the point of no return. So even though you knowingly walked into the salon requesting this be done... you still think "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuccckkk..." in those moments before she holds your skin taut and RIP! off it comes. But the funny thing is the labor should really be the least of my worries. After that's done, I have a brand new infant who is solely dependent on her father and me. I am a nurse, so I know how to not kill people, (thank sweet baby Jesus) I just hope I don't screw her up in some way. Whenever I make comments on facebook about my concerns people sound pretty convinced that I will indeed not kill or maim my baby. The reassurance is nice. But no matter what people tell me, I am sure I am going to worry. I mean, how can you be a first time parent and NOT worry? It's the biggest, most important job you ever have... I hope that apprehension is a sign of taking it seriously.
I keep having dreams about her. Usually its a baby whose face I do not see, but I dream about holding her. I've had a few labor dreams too, where I go to the bathroom and see blood and know that I am ready to have her, but the pain hasn't started yet. Kinda funny that my brain is not filling out the blanks for me. You'd think my subconscious would try to answer the questions in my mind. Instead it is reiterating to me the things I do not know yet. Like, yep, there is a baby in there. And we don't know what she looks like. And yep, you're gonna have labor pains. But I can't tell you what its going to feel like.
We are just about done preparing for her arrival. This past week we have rearranged the computer room to fit a twin sized bed in there for when our Moms come to visit. We also got the house sprayed for bugs (again) because apparently there is a big flea and tick problem here (yuck) and I don't want to deal with it. So they sprayed the house inside and out. Bear and Harvey are on a pill called comfortis that kills fleas that they take monthly like the heartworm medicine. They are also sporting some new flea and tick collars AND are getting another flea bath on Wednesday. I don't think they have fleas but I also don't want to later discover that I was wrong. The baby's furniture is all put together, clothes are washed, dried, folded and put away, and today I will be cleaning and making her bed. I know her mattress is clean because it is brand new, but it still has to be wiped down with some bleach wipes or else I won't quite be comfortable. I suppose this is all nesting? Now all that is left before she gets here is I would like to rent a carpet cleaner and give the carpet a good once over and get our cars detailed so they are clean for her ride home. Oh, and the birthing class on June 19th, and putting her carseat/stroller combo together soon. My Mommy bag and her diaper bag are both packed too, so we are pretty much ready to go.
We STILL don't have a middle name picked out. Aaron is too damn picky. I like Renee, Joy, Maria, Rose, Grace (but am trying not to steal family names) and Marley. I kinda like Eden and Gianna, too. Aaron hasn't been crazy about any of these, of course. He likes Christine. So do I, but we still aren't completely sold on it. Ugh. The kid HAS to have a full name before we take her home. So that is another thing we are working on.
Until she is born I have to have non-stress tests every Tuesday and Friday, just to make sure everything is OK. I also have weekly doctor appointments and will be having ultrasounds every 2 weeks to check my amniotic fluid index. If she has plenty of amniotic fluid then that is a sign that the placenta is functioning properly. Apparently women with gestational diabetes tend to have problems with the placentas "stroking out" as my doctor put it, and the babies "start dying toward the end of the pregnancy.". So needless to say, bring on the ultrasounds. :)
I am SO incredibly thankful that I could get pregnant, and this has been the best experience of my life, hands-down no doubt about it. But I am beginning to understand why women look forward to the pregnancy being over. I am swollen, my feet and pelvis are sore, I am tired, and I pee constantly.
Last night I think the baby was on my bladder, because I had to pee SO BADLY and it took forever to empty my bladder. I think I could have spit faster than the stream of urine I was able to produce. In the middle of it the stream actually stopped twice and then restarted. It was tortuous! LOL I woke up from falling asleep to TV on the couch, hobbled to the bathroom with only one eye open because I fell asleep in my contacts, and peed for what seemed like an eternity. It felt so unfair- there was SO much in there and my body was so reluctant to let it go. I leaned forward, backwards, sideways, all trying to move the baby off my bladder and let it out. No luck. And of course I didn't close the bathroom door because I was half awake and there was a sense of urgency, so I had to do all this while petting Bear. He loves it when we pet his butt, so I had to pat his ass while trying to relieve the discomfort. I am laughing out loud as I type this now because I can see the humor now that my bladder is empty and both eyes are open... but at the time it was bad sensory overload. LOL. It reminds me of something that might happen on "Everybody Loves Raymond".
I hear the couch calling me. It is time to get off this computer because my feet are swelling more as I sit here, and I feel crampy. Time to relax some more.