Nicki is coming to visit!

My friend Nicki, who lives in VA, is coming to Michigan this week. I am so excited! I saw her last summer for literally a day when I went to VA for a family wedding. Besides that though I haven't seen her since 2004. So it will be great to catch up.
And, she is going to have her 3 year old daughter Hope with her, so I can finally meet her little girl! I can't wait!
I am going to try to get a day off work this week if I can, so I can spend a little more time with them. I found out that she is definitely coming earlier today, so having notice to try to get the time off was not exactly an option.
Today we celebrated my dad's birthday at his house. We had steaks on the grill, it was damn good. Then after that my sister Brianna and I went to see 'My Sister's Keeper.' I cried like a little girl. I honestly probably cried for half of the movie. It was good though. And I am glad I got to see it with her. The little goober made fun of me for literally sobbing in the movie theatre but it was still worth it. :)
I love what that my relationship with my brother and sister is getting better and better as we get older. We have a lot of fun together. We laugh a lot. It's a relationship unlike any other. I have nothing else to compare it to. I love those two so much. How our lives came together was definitely not an ideal situation, but at least we got something good out of it- each other.
OK... total change of subject.
I really, REALLY want to keep working on the book ideas I have. However, everything I write usually sounds like a giant pile of garbage. It is irritating. I have stories in my head, and in there they sound like good ideas. As soon as I start to type the words, the story lose it's fluidity and it turns into mechanical He said: blah. She said: blah pile of crap. I don't understand it. Maybe I am creative enough to think of OK ideas to write about but not talented enough to be a good story teller. I know I can't tell a joke to save my life... maybe this is the case. That pisses me off. I want to be good at the things I am interested in/enjoy doing!
OK, I am tired, my contacts feel like they are glued to my eyeballs, and I have to work in the morning. See ya'll later.

My letter to Jermaine

I don't even know where to begin. First of all, every single opinion I have of you is a direct result of your actions. I didn't pull this all out of thin air. I formed these feelings and opinions over the years watching her confidence and well-being dwindle away while she stayed with you.
At first you were charming, as you men tend to be. She was besotted with you. You were warm, affectionate, caring, all the things you were supposed to be and all the things she deserved. In the beginning I actually defended you.
I know that she, like all girls can fabricate things in her head, making them worse than they actually are. I gave you the benefit of the doubt more times than anyone should. Each time you ended up proving me wrong and her suspicions correct.
Over time this changed, the fun and newness of your relationship with my friend faded. I know there were several factors that contributed to this. With every relationship the spark can fade a little over time, and I don't blame you for that. That's natural. I do, however, blame you for not trying harder. Relationships are hard work. I know I shouldn't expect you to know what hard work is, since I don't think you have had many experiences with it. You tend to avoid responsibility and work like the plague. And if you don't believe me, talk to the mother of your child that you don't support. I am sure she will agree with me.
You made her actually believe that she deserved your bad behavior. She must have believed it on some level, because I can't explain why else she would have stayed with you for so long.
To my knowledge you never abused her physically. That's good for you. I can assure you your life would be much more grim than it already is if you had. I don't know how because I know I am no match for you in the physical sense. But I strongly outweigh you mentally and would configure something to hurt you badly. Between me and her family and our friends... lets just say it would have been gravely dangerous for you. I promise you that. And never forget that.
Even though you never laid your hands on her you hurt her like no other man ever has. With your words and your actions you made her feel so low and useless. How dare you?! She was easily the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you shit on her. I don't understand it. Someone like you would be very lucky to be with a woman half as good as her.
You took advantage of her in every way you could. You used her, you lied to her, you stood her up, you called her names, you treat her like she was less than human. You made her cry countless times. She missed out on so much in those two years because of you. You sucked the strength and life out of her. Before she got with you she was a very strong woman. By the time she left you she was stripped of her strength that defined her and became a vulnerable shadow of her former self. You robbed her of her confidence that has taken her so long to get back.
What gets me so mad is she never deserved any of it. She never did anything but treat you well. The times she was bad to you was a reaction to you treating her bad. I know this, do not deny it. You just did it because you could. If you turned the energy you spend being manipulative and cruel to people into something useful you could be a successful man. But I won't waste my time talking about the man you could be because you will never exert that energy for something useful. You will never accomplish anything good, it is not in your nature.
I really despised your facade of friendliness whenever I was around you. I know you didn't like me. I don't blame you, I kept trying to talk your girlfriend into leaving you. I used to get so angry when I would see you because I would automatically smile and say hi to you as a reaction, because that's what I do when I see all people that I know. Then my brain would catch up and realize what my body did and get pissed because you were not worth the energy used to make the fake smile. I think about it often that if I run into you again I hope I can overcome the nervousness and not smile and say hi but just stare at you blankly.
And if you're wondering why I would be nervous about you being around me, refer to the night I was in your driveway at your mom's house in her car, and your car was parked behind hers blocking us in the driveway. My God you are so lucky I didn't tell my husband about that until months later. You have absolutely no idea how incredibly lucky you are.
I know that she told me about your dad dying when you were young, and how she figures that is where so many of your problems come from. While I am very sorry you had to go through that I am sorry for the loss of your father, I got news for ya buddy... life's not fair. Everyone has obstacles to overcome. Everyone has bad things happen to them. Those things don't define you. How you react, learn and grow from them defines you and makes you who you are.
I see people go through worse than you imagine at work. Then, they get better and continue with their lives and do great things. What's your excuse? Why weren't you capable of that. Here's the answer. You ARE capable of it and you choose not too. You are so weak.
I hope that the hate that I feel for you now will fade into indifference. I know that I am not completely indifferent to you yet because I get mad when you call her and bother her. But in some aspects I am actually indifferent. For example, I do not care if you live or die. Maybe one day when I mature more I will be able to pity you. That's really how it should be. But I am not there yet.
In conclusion, you are such a waste of a human being. Such a colossal failure. You have cost my friend, whom I love dearly, an immeasurable amount of suffering. She didn't deserve it. There is nothing you can do to repair it but leave her alone. Never talk to her again. Never see her again. That is the best thing you could do for her.
You're a disappointment to all who know you. You are a burden to the world. I am not overexaggerating. You truly do no good, apart from maybe make your friends laugh. But they are bound to be as useless as you are. I doubt the company you keep now can be any better than you, because real people wouldn't put up with your shit. Your family doesn't even spend time with you.
I wish I could tell you that I wish you the best and to have a nice life. But I can't. I just wish you would go away.

My playlist makes me laugh!

I was listening to my MP3 player on the way home from Kim's house tonight and it just kinda amused me. On my playlist is Aerosmith, Michael Buble, Lady Gaga, the Twilight Soundtrack (don't judge it is AWESOME), Tone Loc, Guns and Roses, Black Sabbath, Marilyn Manson, Eve, Bob Marley and others.
If nothing else I have a wide range of interest in music. LOL
Soon to be on there is Madonna, Dixie Chicks (don't tell anybody) and Missy Elliot. haha.


Ooh and Kim I want to burn some that Sail song from the Lionel Richie CD!

Update on the Myspace drama. :) Renamed.

Haha, so my friend emailed me back and said, "Yeah I have no idea what happened, I lost a lot of my friends on here, send me another request." So it looks like it was no more than another instance of me over reacting. I do it often.
And where in the hell are all the mosquitoes coming from? I kill at least one a day in my house! Mother effers!
My first day back to work after the three day weekend was today and I am very upset to be back already. I need a vacation! A loooong one. Like, 3 months. Speaking of needing things, I also need someone to buy my house, to lose about 80 pounds and an ipod nano. I would be a much happier girl if all those things happened.
After I finish watching Twilight again (for the ninth time... Good Lord) I am going to work out, shower, then go to bed. I just can't help myself. I love Robert Pattinson. He doesn't know it yet, but he's going to be my boyfriend. ;)

MySpace Politics

I recently had an old friend (lets call him Bob) find me on myspace that I had not spoken with in probably, 7 or 8 years. It was very nice to get reconnected to Bob, catch up on things, etc. We had a few long phone conversations. It was cool.
However, my husband did not like it. And I don't blame him. I found out something quite interesting about this friend of mine and waited for him to come clean with it and he never did. I was waiting for Bob to tell me where he had been all these years. Another friend and I were searching on the Michigan OTIS, goofing around to see if we knew any people in prison (we actually did- scary) Bob being one of these people. Since he was in for armed robbery (holy crap!), I think the honest thing would be is to admit it to me. We were at one time very close. He was one of my best friends in high school.
Despite what he did I was willing to look past it and still be at least friends who occasionally talk. I don't know his side of the story, and even if he did do it (which he must have, right?) I think the chance of him doing something stupid around me is probably very low. Am I stupid? Naive? Quite possibly. But it is hard to think one of my friends was capable of doing something that bad. So I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. And once people have served their time, they should be given a clean slate? Maybe?? Under certain circumstances?? I dunno. There's a whole lotta gray area here.
So we talked on myspace a few times, and he was friends with a couple of my friends. I am not on myspace much now, because I am indeed a grown woman with a career... and plus I like facebook more now. LOL. Yeah, don't let me fool you into thinking I am "beyond" social networking websites. But I hadn't hear from him in a while so I shot him an email. Never heard back. OK, we're all busy, I understand. A couple months later I send him another email inviting him out to the festival I am going to today and gave him my cell.
I checked myspace this morning to see if he read the email I sent him. He did. So I went to send him a comment on his page and say hey are you going today? And then myspace said to me "You must be one of this person's friends to leave a comment."
Hence the reasoning behind this entire blog. Why do people take myspace and fb so seriously? Just because I don't talk to you often on there because I have a real life doesn't mean I am ignoring you. Damn people. There should be a box people have to check when they start one of those websites so it can warn the rest of the normal people.
It should look something like this:
I will be:
A.- Not at all offended if you don't contact me often on here because it's a website and I understand it is real life.
B.- Somewhat offended you don't contact me often on here because although it is a website it is one of my favorite ways to communicate with friends and family.
C.- F*CKING PISSED if you don't contact me often on here because this is as important as any other aspect of my social life! This is my life and don't you rob me of it!

For future reference... if I am not on myspace or facebook often it's not because I don't have warm fuzzy feelings for you, it's because I have to do things like cook and clean and work. OK?

Not sure what to call this one...

I feel this need to write even though my life is, at this point, particularly boring. Sorry for those of you who feel compelled to read this. haha.
I have been thinking about writing a book. I have talked about it for years. I had a... for lack of a better word... "interesting" childhood and this is what sparks the idea for the book. It is a fictitious piece of writing inspired by true events that happened to me and my family. One day I was thinking about it and was like, "WOW- wouldn't this shitty situation be even more horrific if events A,B and C were thrown in too?! Now that is something I can write about!" And *poof* there was the idea.
Now I just hope I can commit to it and actually do it. I have lots of ideas for things and never follow through with them.
Although no I take it back, life is not entirely boring right now. On July 1 Kim had my second niece, Violet. She is adorable! I am actually going over to Kim's house ASAP to help out/pick up dinner/visit/whatever needs to be done. I am only blogging right now because I just fed the dogs and now they have to be outside for their obligatory post-feeding poo. I do not want to come home to two dog piles in my kitchen. Hardly appetizing.
So Aaron has been gone for almost 2 months now. It is still hard. I am getting used to sleeping on my own, but I miss the companionship. I miss his laugh. I really resent having to get a step stool or a pair of tongs to reach the cereal on the top shelf. He was really handy that way. I still shriek like a little bitch when I see a bug, and miss his bug killing expertise dearly.
On the plus side to being alone though, dinner time is very easy. I don't think I have cooked in two weeks. lol. Dinners often consist of food from the local middle eastern restaurant, or soup, or toast with peanut butter and jelly. And no I am not destitute. I am lazy! I find I actually eat less with Aaron here. Weird. I SO thought it would be the opposite.
Well the dogs are probably done, so I should go. I want to snuggle my newborn niece.