Good old fashioned emotional purge.

Here's a word to the wise... a word I can only wish someone would have shared with me a few weeks ago. Don't take clomid when you are in the middle of several life altering events. As if it's not hard enough already! In all honestly though, I don't know if I can blame the mood swings, insatiable ferocious appetite and inconsolable crying fit I had on the meds, or the fact that my life is upside down right now.
The clomid has just reminded me one more time that my body isn't working the way it should. The ONE thing I want to do more than anything else, that other people can do without trying, is the one thing I can't do. Ugh. Pisses me off. And then I wonder if I am not ovulating because of all the stress going on. Another piss off. I should not have taken it!
All I know is one day when I FINALLY have a child, it better not be an asshole! It better an awesome kid. I have gone through enough BS already. That future child/follicle/sperm in New Mexico owes me.
Anywho... it finally hit me on Sunday that I am moving. I was driving to my dad's house for dinner and I got a little misty-eyed. So I dabbed at my face and thought I was done. Then... out of no where, I started wailing. Like I watched my dog get hit by a car wailing. I sat in my car in front of my dad's house crying like a little bitch for a good 5 minutes before I called him and asked him to come out and talk to me. I couldn't act like that in front of my brother and sister, or my step-sisters and their SOs. So he came out and talked to me while I cried my eyes out, and the tears turned into a choking panicky feeling, and I started to hyperventilate. Badly. My face from my cheek bones to my chin were tingly like my face fell asleep. What freaked me out though was when I was getting dizzy and the base of my skull felt weird. Then the nurse part kicked in and thought uhhh... that's where my brain stem is... and it feels fuzzy. Bad sign. Stop it. In order to stop I had to breathe into my hands.
I think my poor, sweet Dad shit himself just a little when I had my little fit. He's the best guy ever though... couldn't ask for a better Dad. Leaving him is going to kill me. And here I go with the water works again. Damnit!
I will miss going to his house for dinner and having talks about the different things to has cooked or wants to cook (the man loves food, this is where I get it from!), and talking about old times that makes him laugh so hard that his face turns red and he stops making noise. Brent and Brianna and I have decided that is our favorite thing to do together is hang out with Dad so we can get him laughing like that. Seeing him laugh like that makes us all so happy, and makes us crack up too... I need a tissue. And a cigarette. Damnit!
We'll be leaving for Texas two days before my sister's 13th birthday. Reason # 531 why this move sucks and Reason #660 why I am going to weep all the way until we get to Little Rock.
But, on the bright side... I have a job interview lined up for a job at the Uvalde Memorial Hospital. Two of their directors called me. The second one that I talked to today told me that all of the directors of nursing are going to be there, so we can discuss where I want to go. Wow. A little intimidating, huh? haha. But this hospital only has 66 beds in the entire place. So it's not like there will be TONS of people there. I don't think...
OK well I need to go to bed. I need sleep so desperately and for some reason I keep denying myself of it. Can't shut my brain off to sleep unless I am sitting at my desk at work. Strange.
OK, night all... I hope the next blog I type has lots of good news, like I am pregnant, gainfully employed in Texas and took a strange liking to extreme heat and large bugs.