OK... I need to calm down.

In my last post I said that I hope I have something awesome to say in the next blog... well I already do!
I got my LH surge after taking the Clomid! FINALLY!!! I am ecstatic that it finally happened. :D
Well if I don't get off the computer and get ready for work I will be late.... again.
I just wanted to share my latest nugget of joy!

(PS- I am not going to lie, I feel crampy on my left side... and it kinda sucks ass. But I guess that's just me making an egg. My ovaries are working against their will! Muahahahahahaaa....)

Good old fashioned emotional purge.

Here's a word to the wise... a word I can only wish someone would have shared with me a few weeks ago. Don't take clomid when you are in the middle of several life altering events. As if it's not hard enough already! In all honestly though, I don't know if I can blame the mood swings, insatiable ferocious appetite and inconsolable crying fit I had on the meds, or the fact that my life is upside down right now.
The clomid has just reminded me one more time that my body isn't working the way it should. The ONE thing I want to do more than anything else, that other people can do without trying, is the one thing I can't do. Ugh. Pisses me off. And then I wonder if I am not ovulating because of all the stress going on. Another piss off. I should not have taken it!
All I know is one day when I FINALLY have a child, it better not be an asshole! It better an awesome kid. I have gone through enough BS already. That future child/follicle/sperm in New Mexico owes me.
Anywho... it finally hit me on Sunday that I am moving. I was driving to my dad's house for dinner and I got a little misty-eyed. So I dabbed at my face and thought I was done. Then... out of no where, I started wailing. Like I watched my dog get hit by a car wailing. I sat in my car in front of my dad's house crying like a little bitch for a good 5 minutes before I called him and asked him to come out and talk to me. I couldn't act like that in front of my brother and sister, or my step-sisters and their SOs. So he came out and talked to me while I cried my eyes out, and the tears turned into a choking panicky feeling, and I started to hyperventilate. Badly. My face from my cheek bones to my chin were tingly like my face fell asleep. What freaked me out though was when I was getting dizzy and the base of my skull felt weird. Then the nurse part kicked in and thought uhhh... that's where my brain stem is... and it feels fuzzy. Bad sign. Stop it. In order to stop I had to breathe into my hands.
I think my poor, sweet Dad shit himself just a little when I had my little fit. He's the best guy ever though... couldn't ask for a better Dad. Leaving him is going to kill me. And here I go with the water works again. Damnit!
I will miss going to his house for dinner and having talks about the different things to has cooked or wants to cook (the man loves food, this is where I get it from!), and talking about old times that makes him laugh so hard that his face turns red and he stops making noise. Brent and Brianna and I have decided that is our favorite thing to do together is hang out with Dad so we can get him laughing like that. Seeing him laugh like that makes us all so happy, and makes us crack up too... I need a tissue. And a cigarette. Damnit!
We'll be leaving for Texas two days before my sister's 13th birthday. Reason # 531 why this move sucks and Reason #660 why I am going to weep all the way until we get to Little Rock.
But, on the bright side... I have a job interview lined up for a job at the Uvalde Memorial Hospital. Two of their directors called me. The second one that I talked to today told me that all of the directors of nursing are going to be there, so we can discuss where I want to go. Wow. A little intimidating, huh? haha. But this hospital only has 66 beds in the entire place. So it's not like there will be TONS of people there. I don't think...
OK well I need to go to bed. I need sleep so desperately and for some reason I keep denying myself of it. Can't shut my brain off to sleep unless I am sitting at my desk at work. Strange.
OK, night all... I hope the next blog I type has lots of good news, like I am pregnant, gainfully employed in Texas and took a strange liking to extreme heat and large bugs.

Stressed.....

I talked to Aaron this morning and he told me that he should be done with his Spanish class on October 8! This is great because I don't have to wait as long to see him. But it is horrible because I just lost a month of planning time. Shit!
So I called in to work for tomorrow. Here's the list of why:
1. I have about 8 houses in Uvalde TX that I have to call on and arrange appointments to see the houses.
2. I have to find a U-Haul truck or something like that and book it... fast!
3. I have to apply for more jobs in Texas so we can eat and stuff.
4. I have to apply for a Nursing License in Texas ($200... ugh).
5. I have to get my brakes and rotors done because when I drive it sounds like metal on metal when I brake and it really freaks me out!
6. Hair needs cutting.
7. Need new tags for both cars.
8. Need to mail Aaron his phone so we can actually talk daily and use Verizon instead of pay extra for a pay as you go phone...
9. PACK.
10. Not to mention... I have to figure out what to do with my house... because I can no longer afford it AND fund the move to Texas... isn't that special?!
F*******CK!

It's times like these that I am glad I am not a drinker... because if I was I would be drunk as hell.

PS- I am also in the middle of my first cycle on Clomid. While I have not experienced any psychosis that I was warned about, I doubt it's helping anything. I have been having some cramps for most of the night. That's just wonderful...
OK, I am exhausted. I am going to bed. I hope I wake up with a brain full of answers!
Another PS- Any party I planned to have on the 22nd at my house is officially OFF!

Nicki came to visit!

Nicki and her daughter Hope left last night. We had a great visit. Wednesday night I picked them up from her cousin Norma's house. After that we drove around Belleville so Nicki could see how much it changed. She could barely recognize it! We past our old high school, which does look the same. We passed the old house that she grew up in, and that was sad. They put a little pond in the front yard, and took the pool out. They put an addition onto the back of the house for a hot tub which definitely looked cool but made it soooo different from the place we used to hang out all the time! We went past where we took our old art classes too, and from the looks of it the house is now abandoned. Either that or they REALLY need to work on that house!
Thursday we went to the Lenawee County Fair. Her cousin was there working for a Christian club of some sort, he is a member. It was me, Nicki, Hope and their cousin Amy. We had fun. It was kinda in the middle of nowhere and we had to drive an hour to get there, but it was interesting. There were a lot of farm animals. I saw some of the strangest things ever there!
1. A horse with crystal blue eyes. They were gorgeous!
2. A goat almost ate my hair when I leaned in to talk to him and pretend to kiss him. (I loved the animals and really did want to kiss a few of them. But they smelled like ass, so it was easy to refrain.)
3. A cow with fuzzy ears! He had long hair on his ears, it looked like he had earmuffs on. lol. He almost licked my face. I was again, acting like I was going to kiss him and he went in for a sneak attack. If I learned nothing else that say I learned that cows have freakishly long tongues. I was several inches away from his face and he almost got me. Weird.
4. The fattest rabbit EVER. He was so friggin' fat that he had chest fat that his head laid on and rested there. It was like he had never eaten anything but Whoppers in his whole life. Not to mention he was long as hell. He was seriously the size of a Beagle. WOW.
5. OK this just shows my sophomoric sense of humor but... There was a goat that was in his pen and he apparently had a hair ball. So, he started coughing, HARD, and he definitely shit himself. Lucky for him he's a goat and probably would have done it in a few minutes anyway, so I doubt he was self conscious. But his butt happened to be facing Amy and me, and we about died laughing. Nicki pretended to not know us then. LOL.
6. Conversation between Amy and me as we were walking into a cow barn, all their butts were facing us:
Amy: We need to be careful, cows kick hard and when they poop they can shoot it out far!
Me: That's disgusting.
Then we simultaneously look to our left and look at the cow we are walking by. This particular cow was, uh... cocked, locked and ready. Either he JUST got done going to the bathroom or was JUST about to go. Either way it was not pretty, and we didn't want to wait to see which one it was. We ran. Laughing.

I saw more shit that day than anything else. Seriously.

Friday I had to work. Boo! But Friday night after work I picked up Nicki and Hope from their cousin's house again and we hung out and watched TV and had some much needed catch up conversation.
Saturday we went to her cousin's house for lunch because more family was there that time, and they had to see them. Thank God I have known her forever or else I would have been so uncomfortable. It was Nicki, Hope, Me, (the rest is all her family) Aunt Marge, Uncle Rex, Norma, Lonnie, Amy, Megan, Onsby, Julia and their three kids. Even though I barely knew most of them they were all very warm and inviting. I felt very comfortable. :)
That night we went to my Dad's house and he got to meet Hope. She is seriously one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen! Her personality is the best, too. She is smart, funny and so, so loving. She would tell me all the time "Andewa ( pronounce it And-oo-wah, haha), I love you." And "I love you to the moon and back." Ugh. I miss her so much already!
Saturday night we watched Twilight... come on, Nicki had to see my new boyfriend (haha)! She liked it. :) Of course she did.
On Sunday we went to Frankenmuth. We were broke so we didn't go to Zehnder's but we walked through all the shops. Hope got her face painted. I'll post pictures when I friggin learn how to.
Nicki is 50% Chippewa, and there just so happens to be a Chippewa Memorial in Frankenmuth in one of the parks. So we got to go to that, it was nice. Small and hidden, but nice. I think it meant a lot to Nicki to see it. She doesn't know all that much about that part of her background.
Then I dropped them off at her cousin's house last night so they could drive back home with Marge and Rex this morning. I cried like a little bitch when I had to say bye to Hope! It went something like this:
Me- OK Hopie, gimme a hug, I have to go home.
Hope- I go wif you?
Me- No baby, you have to stay here with Mommy so you can go home in the morning. (sniffle, wimper)
Hope- Why?
Me- So you can see your Daddy.
Hope- Is your nose running?
Me- (peals of laughter) Yeah, probably.
Kisses, hugs, more crying, put the baby down, say good bye, leave the house as fast as I can.
It was so much easier to say bye to Nicki this time than it was last year! Probably because it was so much harder to say goodbye to Hope than it ever had been to say bye to Nicki.
I want to keep her!
OK, it is about time for bed. I am exhausted. Plus I have only had one cigarette today and I am trying really hard to not run to my car and get a pack.