Cletus Update

As of Friday I am 18 weeks pregnant. I feel fine apart from the occasional (weekly) headache (which I desperately try in vain to keep as a headache and not progress to a migraine) and getting more tired again. I assume the fatigue is due to my hemoglobin dropping. At my last blood draw on Feb. 3rd I am down to 8.6. Dr. White said he wants to keep me above 8. I think it is probably lower than that now because in the last week or so I am more tired than I have been. It feels like my first trimester again. People always say how good you're supposed to feel around this time. I think you're all liars! haha. Just kidding. But seriously, since my second trimester started I have felt worse. Oh well. 22 short weeks and this is all history anyway!
The most exciting part of the story is this... I was sitting at work yesterday and I felt (what I believe to be) the baby kick for the first time! I felt something that I would compare to little fingertips (not the baby's, that would be creepy. lol.) very gently tickling the inside of my tummy. It was over almost as quickly as it begun, but it was definitely there. I have had a couple confirmation tickles today as well. So either I have a wonderful, growing baby or a HORRIBLE case of worms. LOL.
Feeling Cletus move makes this even MORE real now. Not that is wasn't before, but now there is an actual reason behind the ever growing gut. I don't just feel fatter anymore. I feel like there really IS someone in there. It's making me do a lot of thinking too.
1. It's crazy that you can begin to love someone before you ever even know them. I feel so privileged that I get to know this person from the beginning, before anyone else gets to know it. When the world sees my baby for the first time with their eyes, they are seeing someone I have known for months. What an advantage a mother has when compared to the rest of the world!
2. I worry that I am going to be a crappy mother. Waiting for baby to get here is like waiting to meet your new boss. You hope it goes well from the start and that there is no awkwardness. Although I am sure there will be much awkwardness because this is me we are talking about here. :)
3. Even though this little person will come out completely defenseless and dependent on Aaron and me, how come I am a little scared of it? I know I must sound like such a loser but I am a little scared. Both of our lives are completely at each others mercy. Cletus will eat when and if we feed her/him (which is a horrible thought, as if I would anything other than what's best for her/him) and I will sleep when and if Cletus feels like sleeping.
Well I am done writing for now. I want to go lay back down on the couch. I only feel the baby when I am very still. And nothing in the whole world is cooler than that little feeling. :)