Maybe it's the PMS... maybe it's the whole situation coming to a head in my life... I think it's likely a rotten combination of the two. Aaron left for training today. I am probably not going to see him again for 6 months.
I should have known I was going to be an emotional wreck when I cried at Kroger because I saw ham steaks and those are one of his favorite things. I shoulda known...
I came home tonight after Kim's Baby Shower talking to Aaron on the phone. I could feel myself welling up and figured, OK lets get this over with now. I was dreading going through the house and seeing his things so I just went through every room and looked at it to get the heart sinking feeling out of the way. I didn't cry. I wailed like a child. I am not sure why. It's not like he freaking died!
The way I feel now is like the way I felt after a particularly horrible break up with a guy I dated in college. I was a mess for weeks. I cried at everything. It was a total surprise break up. I thought we were doing great, but apparently not. haha.
Anyway... I saw his stuff he left in the shower, lip quivered. I saw his slippers in the bedroom, it only got worse. Then I thought about what it's going to be like to lay in bed tonight and hug his pillow and smell him on it and that precisely when I started crying like a 5 year old who dropped their ice cream cone on the floor at the fair. Needless to say I have set up camp on the couch in the basement until I am ready to go handle it all. WTF. I wish I would start my f*cking period already people. If this is what I am like the whole 6 months he is gone I am going to need some intervention.
We've been apart before, when he went to Iraq for a year... but this seems just as hard even though it's MUCH better circumstances. Before we weren't even engaged for half of the time he was gone, and now we have been married for 2 years and living together for over 3... I don't even know what to do with myself. It's depressing.
So tonight I will sit on my couch, cry and eat cheesecake for dinner. I don't even care enough to have a real meal. Plus the leftover cheesecake sounds damn tasty. And no one is here to stop me. haha.
Hopefully my next blog won't be so obnoxiously... um.... emotional/pathetic/lame as this one. :(
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2 comments:
Ummm... maybe you're pregnant?? I know it's not the timing you wanted, but it could answer why you're hyper-sensitive.
Anyway-- just keep a perspective and try to be logical. You WILL be with him again, and maybe during the six-months, you can make a surprise trip to see him.
I've got you in my thoughts. Keep us posted about your period... I'm sure I'm not the only one praying for you guys to get pregnant (even if the timing would suck)!!
:)
Cathy
I wish! I actually got my period the next morning and haven't wept since, so I think that was the problem! :)
Thanks for the nice thoughts though, I appreciate it.
every time I see you have a new blog I think to myself "Please be pregnant! Please be pregnant!Please be pregnant!"
The timing would suck for us right now, but I think I would get over it. :)
Good luck!
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