update

My doctor's appointment was yesterday and yes, it is official, I have PCOS. I saw my cyst filled ovaries with my own eyes. Well, not in person, that would be bad, but on the ultrasound screen. PS- If you ever have to have a saline infusion sonohysterography thing and someone tells you it doesn't hurt you tell them they are a F*CKING liar, because YES IT DOES.

I am so angry. And sad. It makes me mad because there is no one to blame. It's no one's fault, yet I have to deal with a world of crap now. I will be on Clomid in 4 or 5 months time if I don't get regular periods with just the glucophage.
On the bright side though, I love my reproductive endocrinologist. She is such a sweet caring woman. She actually enjoys what she does and it shows. I got lucky to get her. And she is very pro-active. She has a plan in store for me and I don't think she'll stop until I have a child. :)
I am scared. I am trying to remind myself this is not a death sentence or anything like that, but I can't help but feel like I am grieving a little. I am grieving the loss of my fertility, in a sense. There is no guarantee I can have a baby. I do have one friend who has PCOS and she said she felt the same way I do. And now she has a beautiful 2 month old daughter. I will remember them often during all this BS.
I have been doing some research: women without PCOS have a 15-20% chance of miscarriage. Women with PCOS, 45-50%. Women with PCOS also have a higher risk of gestational diabetes, high blood pressure during pregnancy, blood clotting issues (that could cause a clot in my placenta and cut off the blood to a baby, killing it...), premature births and high birth weight babies than women without PCOS. So even if I DO get pregnant, the worry is not over. Even though I know the news could be worse, I could have uterine cancer or something equally nightmarish, it's still bad news.
This diagnosis almost makes me feel like less of a woman. I am a woman for one thing, to reproduce. The one thing that my body was MADE FOR I may not even be able to do. Women who can't read or write and live in a friggin van down by the river can still get knocked up. People who have no reason bringing offspring into this world can make a hobby of it, while people like me have to go to infertility specialists and cry and go through painful procedures and take medicine just to try to get that chance.
I said it before, and wow does it hit me like a ton of bricks now. THIS is the thanks I get. I played by the rules (mostly) all my life. I went to school, graduated, went to college, got a degree, met a great guy, fell in love, got married, got a good job, got a 401K, bought a house, and this is how I am repaid for doing the right thing. Maybe I should have slept around, rob people, did drugs and not go to college. Then I would probably be a mother of 4.
OK I have to go get ready for work. I will feel sorry for myself more later.