Leaving 6

Well, Wednesday night-Thursday morning was my last shift I had at 6 Mott. It was a nice, relaxing shift. I had a good assignment, sweet patients and caring parents. One of my patients was having some complications with a kidney transplant he was actively rejecting and because of this (well, at least I think because of this...) he was in a lot of pain. I was trying to comfort him the best I could and his mom said "You're Good." I assumed she was talking to her brave little 7 year old boy. I agreed with her and said "Yes he is,". She said, "No, you... you're a good nurse. Thank You." It was a bittersweet moment. I was happy and proud to have helped this little boy and in turn pleased his worried mother. But at the same time I was sad... when is the next time I will have a patient like him? When will I get to truly be a patient advocate again?
Another patient I had was a spinal fusion, but only 2. Usually kids with that surgery are 10+. I went in his room to give him pain medicine and he was crying because his dad went to the bathroom and he was alone. So I sat next to his bed and rubbed his forehead and hair and he fell asleep almost immediately. When is the next time I will be able to comfort a scared baby like that? I mean, the things I am talking about aren't big deals in nursing, they happen often. Well yes they are big deals, it is important to do them, but it can be a regular occurrence. But the fact that I am walking into a new job full of everything unknown on Monday, and probably not get the chance to do those things anymore, scares and kind of upsets me. Will I have the chance to participate in/embrace those aspects of nursing? Those things to me are the essence of nursing, nursing at it's most basic and necessary, the human aspect.
Even though I rarely talk about it, I consider myself to be extremely lucky because for the last 3 1/2 years my job gives me the opportunity to truly help people. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to comfort a child in pain. It is so fulfilling to have an infant patient who has no parents with them(it happens often) and have a night time feeding. Holding that little baby and rocking him/her back to sleep is so comforting. In those moments, everything is OK for us both. They are safe, I am relaxed, we're both happy. Now the reason I like that so much might be because I want a baby so damn bad. Not sure. I get paid to do what feels right and what interests and amazes me at the same time. How lucky is that?! I truly LOVED my job. If I could have had the same schedule as Aaron and stay there, maybe I would have never left. But I had to do what was right for my marriage and the continued growth of my career.
Well one thing did happen to remind me that sometimes not being on 6 can be a good thing. There was a patient there with epidermolysis bullosa and she had the worst case I have ever seen, even in books. This poor kid was basically there to die. I watched her for a minute while her nurse went to the bathroom and I just about shit my pants. They said she looked bad, but I guess just words didn't prepare me for what I saw. My Good God. She looked dead. But not normal dead, like if you or I died at this moment. No, like scary movie, special effects dead. Her disease process had overtaken her body so badly that there was no normal skin on her. The only way I could tell she was still alive was my watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed. It hurt to look at this poor kid.
Kids like this, paralyzed kids with trachs and vents, and child abuse cases are the 3 main things that really piss me off. Why does this have to happen? Why does God allow this? I understand people have to die, but why in the hell does anyone have to suffer like that? Ugh. But at least not working there anymore means I will not see stuff like that, well at least not as often.
In the morning when I was leaving I was holding back tears the best I could. It was so hard to leave everyone I have worked with for the last 3 1/2 years. Some of those people have been there from the beginning for me and helped me learn and grow as a nurse. They are more than just my co-workers, they are my friends too. I will miss them so much! I felt very loved too, we had a potluck for my last shift AND we went out last night to celebrate. It was a very fun night out. A lot of drinks and laughs were had by all. Maybe they like me as much as I like them. :)
OK I think I am done having my pity party. Leaving my first nursing job ever was a momentous occasion for me, I suppose. But now it is over and done and I have to dry my eyes, put my big girl panties on and get on with it.

PS- my manager said that if I change my mind I always am welcome back on 6. That is incredibly good to know. Like training wheels for my new job! :)

Bitter!

Aaron and I had a good day yesterday. It was the 5 year anniversary of the day we met. We spent the day being lazy as slugs, watching TV and taking naps periodically throughout the day and getting some cheap pizza for dinner. It was nice to lay around with my hubby and be lazy together. :)
In the morning we had an AT&T cable guy come to our house and install cable. We have it now for 30 days free to try it. It is better than WOW or Comcast! We love it! Well, I love it apart from one thing. It doesn't have CBC. There is no longer a way for me to watch my all time favorite show, Coronation Street. I am PISSED! And the last episode I saw that was on Friday, Vera friggin died! She popped her clogs right there in her chair in the loving room, and Jack came back from the Rovers after a quick pint and found her dead. Poor guy. And they were just about to go to Blackpool. Ugh. I choked back the tears.
I have been watching Corrie since the summer of 2006 on a regular basis. I watched it a lot when I was a kid because of my mom. I didn't like it a lot then, but I love it now and could honestly cry. I would give up Grey's Anatomy AND Nip/Tuck for my Corrie!!!
I am now scrambling to find a place to watch it so I don't miss anything. I tried www.cbc.ca, but they only let people in Canada watch their TV shows online. No matter that I live 30 friggin' minutes from the border to Windsor! That just proves to me that Canadians are bastards that have no love for me... even though I came from the same place they did. Jerks. Sorry if you're Canadian. I am bitter right now. I am sure that any Canadian readers of this blog are indeed not bastards.
Any English websites I have been to for some reason make my ISP crash every time I try to watch an episode online. I am going to have to see if anyone can fix this. What the hell people?! Who do I have to f*ck around here to get to see my favorite show???
So, if there are any loving, sweet people out there reading this who love me, who get CBC and have a DVR, would you please record Coronation Street for me? It comes on Monday-Friday at either 7:00 or 7:30PM and lasts a half hour. I will in turn make you cookies, rub your back or do whatever you want... within reason.
So apart from searching the internet in vain looking for a place to watch Corrie and calling AT&T threatening to drop their services if I can't have my favorite show, today has been a good day...