Twilight

So a couple months ago my cousin and I watched it. I LOVED it. I was with her over Memorial Day weekend, we watched it again. Oh my God. LOVE. So I went out and bought it the next day. I have watched it twice this week. And I am reading the book. Help me.
I feel silly because people say it is geared for teenage girls, but hell no it's NOT. Edward Cullen is way too smoldering hot for teenagers. Uhhh.... I probably shouldn't watch it anymore. I am a married woman. Yet that movie... uh you just gotta watch it. Kim said that vampires shouldn't sparkle. He could roll around in a pile of dog shit and look just as delicious as he does sparkly. And what's my favorite thing ever? Diamonds! If a man looks encrusted in jewels it's all the more reason to love him. :D
Robert Pattinson is probably one of the most painfully sexy people I have ever seen in my life. Painful. Frustratingly, painfully gorgeous.

Don't even feel like blogging.

Maybe it's the PMS... maybe it's the whole situation coming to a head in my life... I think it's likely a rotten combination of the two. Aaron left for training today. I am probably not going to see him again for 6 months.
I should have known I was going to be an emotional wreck when I cried at Kroger because I saw ham steaks and those are one of his favorite things. I shoulda known...
I came home tonight after Kim's Baby Shower talking to Aaron on the phone. I could feel myself welling up and figured, OK lets get this over with now. I was dreading going through the house and seeing his things so I just went through every room and looked at it to get the heart sinking feeling out of the way. I didn't cry. I wailed like a child. I am not sure why. It's not like he freaking died!
The way I feel now is like the way I felt after a particularly horrible break up with a guy I dated in college. I was a mess for weeks. I cried at everything. It was a total surprise break up. I thought we were doing great, but apparently not. haha.
Anyway... I saw his stuff he left in the shower, lip quivered. I saw his slippers in the bedroom, it only got worse. Then I thought about what it's going to be like to lay in bed tonight and hug his pillow and smell him on it and that precisely when I started crying like a 5 year old who dropped their ice cream cone on the floor at the fair. Needless to say I have set up camp on the couch in the basement until I am ready to go handle it all. WTF. I wish I would start my f*cking period already people. If this is what I am like the whole 6 months he is gone I am going to need some intervention.
We've been apart before, when he went to Iraq for a year... but this seems just as hard even though it's MUCH better circumstances. Before we weren't even engaged for half of the time he was gone, and now we have been married for 2 years and living together for over 3... I don't even know what to do with myself. It's depressing.
So tonight I will sit on my couch, cry and eat cheesecake for dinner. I don't even care enough to have a real meal. Plus the leftover cheesecake sounds damn tasty. And no one is here to stop me. haha.
Hopefully my next blog won't be so obnoxiously... um.... emotional/pathetic/lame as this one. :(

No BFP for me!

Due to the whole Aaron leaving for Texas on May 17 and us moving in November we are going to quit trying to get pregnant. It sucks but it makes the most sense. Well since he will be gone in about 2 weeks it kinda puts the whole trying aspect to a screeching halt so that kinda made the decision for us! No but seriously as long as I'm not pregnant right now I have to kinda keep it that way until he gets done with training and we are living together again.
If I were to get pregnant now that would suck so bad for both of us. All the housework and moving to me, the pregnant one. He would miss out on his first child's ultrasounds and first kicking, etc... and God forbid if I were to miscarry. That would screw him all up with training and the academy because all he would want to do is be here with me.
So of course this is the responsible, mature thing to do. But if I were to find out I was pregnant I would still be ecstatic. I would get to be a Mommy! AND then I would know my girlie bits are working! Double Yay!
While I am on the whole subject I suck SO bad at temping. Every day is practically a different time. But I am sorry I am not getting up early to take my temp so it's at exactly the same time every day. Fertilityfriend.com says it hasn't detected ovulation but I think it's wrong... I think I might have last week. :) We'll see in a few weeks I guess!
Hmm... if I am pregnant now I hope the multiple beers and shots I had last night don't touch the little stinker. I usually don't drink anymore at social things because we are TTC, but hey the party was at my house and for my husband before he leaves for 6 months... drinks were in order for me. And I figure even if I do get pregnant this month, s/he hasn't even implanted yet. So no guilt.
OK I am starving and have much stuff to around this house before my Mom gets here tomorrow. :)

Texas Bound!

Well it's official... Aaron got his offer to join the Border Patrol... and he is going to be stationed in Carrizo Springs, Texas.
I haven't been to Texas since I was like, 5 when I would do day trips El Paso for shopping when we lived in Clovis NM. I have no freaking idea what to expect. Well yeah I do, I expect men with big belt buckles and tight jeans, in trucks with Confederate Flags on them going "WOOOOO". And cows, and tumble weed, and Hank Hill.
Does anyone know about Texas? Am I right? Am I a Michigander that is going to have a complete culture shock in 6 months? Fill me in!
Aaron leaves for training on May 17... so from there it is just me left to get the house ready then out it up on the market. Fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkk....

Something cooler than an Easter Basket!

So I woke up this morning to none other than a period. YAY!
I know, how many women can say they're honestly happy about getting a period!? But this is a GREAT step for me! It means I ovulated! According to my new "cycle", I ovulated around probably the end of March. So only after about 3 weeks of being on glucophage. That shit is magic, I swear!
I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am hoping it happens more often (lets say, every 28-35 days) so I can have a little Lamorand.
I was literally hopping up and down in the bathroom with the biggest smile on my face. You would have thought I won the lottery. :)
So maybe there is hope after all...
:D
Ecstatic!

Unfortunately this is probably a good sign.

I feel evil. No, I don't think you get it. Evil. EEEVILLL. Like, leave the room, don't come in to my eye sight without either a dazzling compliment or ... actually no. Not even that, and chocolate makes me sick now, so that won't even sway me. I am glad I don't have the balls to act out the images in my head. I would be in big trouble. I don't want to kill anyone, but I do want to yell at people until they cry and/or crack a dining room chair across someone's back. Damnit.
I am trying SO hard to let it pass. But as soon as I feel it going away, I see something that pisses me off all over again.
As bad as this is to go through, and as ugly as it could be, deep down I know this is good because it probably means my body is absorbing my hormones again. Unfortunately the hormones that make me feel like a sociopath are the same little nuggets of joy that will help me ovulate and ultimately, conceive, so I really can't complain too much. This ugly, vile attitude I feel is probably estrogen, progesterone, or a cyclone whirl mix of the two coming back into my blood stream in the amounts that I should be having. God, one can only hope. Because if I feel this livid for NO DAMN REASON it will only be bad.
Yeah I have been moody over the last few months occasionally even though I wasn't having periods, but this is above and beyond. I hope this means I am "back to normal".
Ugh.
I feel like if I open my mouth and speak it will sound like Reagan from the Exorcist.

My observations about Lent

So this year for Lent I gave up fast food and regular pop. For the most part I have done well, but I have slipped a few times. Yesterday I stopped and got a beef and cheddar (no fries because I figured it would be better than a cheeseburger from McDonalds. To me, Arby's is the Cadillac of fast food, it IS fast food but it's not as shitty as McDonalds, Wendys or Burger King. I had to eat something so I could take my meds. I was on 23 going up to visit my family for the weekend. Can't eat a salad in the car now can I? So that was bad. But I think God gets it. The ONLY time I have had regular pop is when it was the ONLY thing to drink and I take as little as possible. I am trying.
A woman from my work has been giving me things from her church lately. I like it though, I think I approached her about it, so it's not annoying. Last week she left a little black book on my desk that has daily 6 minute reads, and you read one section a day through all of Lent. I have really enjoyed it, and it has made Lent make more sense to me. I realize now it's a time to try to be closer to God through denying yourself things you would usually have. Through your "suffering" you should be seeking God, not bitching because you can't have jelly beans because that is what you gave up. By reading it I have realized calling yourself a Christian and actually BEING a Christian are two very different things. I believe in God very much and pray and think about Him more than I probably let on, but even with that I still do not lead a very Christian lifestyle. So this year I have trying very hard to do more than just give up pop and not eat meat on Fridays and I am using this time to reflect on God and my relationship with Him. It's just what I needed too. I can't really explain what it's doing for me, I guess the best way to put it is it is giving me comfort I wouldn't otherwise have. Different from the comfort and love of my husband, family and friends. I am very lucky to have a life blessed with people I love, it's just something other than that. Anyhow, I am rambling about something that probably few people wish to read, and that's fine. :)
My last pondering thought for the day is this... am I judgmental or do I just vocalize my thoughts? At what point does it go from an opinion to a judgment? So for example, if last night there was a woman at a bar who was wearing a horrific outfit from the 60's. I asked the people at the table if they thought she had lost a bet. lol. Now is this a judgment or a joke/opinion? I personally think it's amusing either way, bad or not. This is also something I am trying to work hard on during Lent, as well as swearing. I swear like a sailor and I should try to curb that before I have babies.
OK well I am going to dinner and a movie with my cousin Yasmine to celebrate her birthday. She is honestly one of my favorite people in the world... I love her.) :)